Before I get started, let me just say that in exactly 3 months, the mister and I will celebrate 9 years of marriage. I can’t believe how overly excited I am considering I never wanted to get married. However, this guy walked into my life 15 years ago and forever changed it, but that’s another story for another post. Back to how I got caught in my birthday suit (sorta).
Last month my Pastors hosted a gala in celebration of their 80th birthday along with being in ministry for 30 years. Of course it was formal, which meant I needed to find something grandiose to wear. What I had in mind was not what hubs had in mind. Normally boo thang doesn’t mind what I wear, however, this time he wanted to see me in something formal (because formal and I aren’t cool like that).
Although I agreed to wear something he liked, he stipulated it by saying that it couldn’t be thrifted (bummer). Well then, if it can't be thrifted I guess you’re buying me a dress (he said okay). Now I love to shop yet I dislike looking for anything specific. After going to a few stores between two separate malls and I still didn’t find anything liked.
I took to online shopping (which I didn’t want to do, because I needed to try on whatever I chose). I remembered hearing something about Rent the Runway, but the gentleman was unimpressed. Next up, Asos. Several scrolls in, Hubs saw this ASOS RED CARPET Scuba Midi Dress and his face lite up. I was so hoping that he’d light up like this at another dress, not so.
When the dress came and I tried it on, I knew right away that I was going to have to tame my mom gut. This meant I had to buy a shapewear. Once I tried it on, I should have known something was amiss.
*Sidebar – I wish I had time to tell you the story about how I sent the dress to be altered and didn’t get it back until the night before the event, but that’s another post.
Fast forward to the evening of the event. Sir was extra eager to see me in this dress. Oh! I failed to mention that I needed help with the entire process of getting dressed. I had a new strapless that was really difficult to put on (don’t ask), then the shapewear may as well had been sized for a toddler.
Once I got the foundation pieces on, it was time for the dress. With a little resistance, we got the dress zipped up. At this point, I felt like a pig wrapped in a blanket. Everything was tight to the 1oth degree. And comfort escaped me the entire night. My attire was so fitted, I couldn’t even eat all my food.
As the night progressed, my outfit became increasingly intolerable. The pressure around my sternum was too much. Once the dancing portion of the event started and hubs preformed all his signature moves, I signaled that I needed to get out of the dress, shapewear and bra immediately!
***HERE COMES THE GOOD PART***
While the party was happening upstairs, I figured I’d go downstairs so no one would see that I’d changed my clothes. And since I needed help getting into the ensemble, I also needed help getting out as well. So we get to the social hall and noticed the event decorator and an employee cleaning up from the pre-party. I paid no mind to that.
We get into the restroom and proceed to take off my clothes. While struggling to get the shapewear off, I tell hubs that he could go back up to the party and I’ll sit in the truck and watch Netflix on my phone (I didn’t want to be a party pooper). With the dress and the shapewear were off, I had to allow my insides to readjust back to normal.
Hubs had just walked out the restroom when I remember he had my dress (he was going to let his friend know we were leaving). I called out to him to ask if he could drop my dress off in the truck before going back upstairs (I didn’t want anyone to know I’d changed).
Still getting my insides together, the door of the restroom opened and in comes the decorator. Mind you I’m still standing in the restroom with only a strapless bra on. When my mind registered that it wasn’t my husband, I tried to run into the stall. In my haste to get into the stall, I ran into the stall door. Now this would’ve been so bad if there wasn’t a huge mirror on the adjacent wall.
To make matters worse I saw that I’d dropped my underwear on the floor by the sink. Soooo, you guested it, I ran back to get them. All the while, I’m yelling I’m so sorry! I’m sorry! Sorry! Omg, I’m really sorry! I know she said something, I just don't remember what. I was too busy apologizing. Ironically I wasn’t even embarrassed. The entire incident was more hilarious than anything.
The moral of the story boys and girls is to not allow your husband to talk you into wearing a fitted dress unless you’ve been properly trained on the dangers of wearing a shapewear.
Have you been caught in a similar situation or equeally as funny a situation before. Let me know!